Tuesday, January 25, 2011
On Rushing
It's what I do.
I remember writing a newspaper column about how I make a habit of jumping head first into things without checking the depth of the water--I trust that I can make it, and I normally do. All of my life decisions have been made like that, and most of the time it has worked out.
(Note: there's something so humbling and humiliating re-reading columns you published in an actual, circulating newspaper when you were a wee babe of 23/24. So young and green!)
Granted, this method has its drawbacks. These are drawbacks I can justify, though--had I not rushed through college, I wouldn't have taken that summer job and re-sparked my friendship with Andy. If I had stayed in the corporate world and not abandoned it for a soul-crushing newspaper job, I wouldn't have had the experience necessary to get my job. If I hadn't rushed through my MFA, I wouldn't have had the credentials to be hired at my dream job when I did. If we hadn't gone and seen that scam of a house on a hill, we wouldn't have ended up here in our perfect corner of the world.
The only clear and present sour stain in life that has been borne from my penchant for rushing is called consumer debt, and, well, it sucks.
In addition, I rushed some home projects last fall. Andy feels great pleasure at me finally having not gotten my ill-conceived way, I think, as it's been a lesson I've needed for a long time (while I can see the positives in many negatives, like I listed above, it's time to slow down and tread water for a while, I think). Because of this, we have some paint chipping off the house and porches, as a visual reminder to me that this is what happens when you paint or force others to powerwash and paint in November. It just. doesn't. stick.
So now the trick is getting things in life to stick. I have achieved so much of what I want in life by utilizing the run-and-dive method, and now the time has come to maintain. Since I've been moving forward breathlessly for 28.5 years, I'm not quite sure how to maintain. It's something I need to work on. Steadily, and slowly.
I remember writing a newspaper column about how I make a habit of jumping head first into things without checking the depth of the water--I trust that I can make it, and I normally do. All of my life decisions have been made like that, and most of the time it has worked out.
(Note: there's something so humbling and humiliating re-reading columns you published in an actual, circulating newspaper when you were a wee babe of 23/24. So young and green!)
Granted, this method has its drawbacks. These are drawbacks I can justify, though--had I not rushed through college, I wouldn't have taken that summer job and re-sparked my friendship with Andy. If I had stayed in the corporate world and not abandoned it for a soul-crushing newspaper job, I wouldn't have had the experience necessary to get my job. If I hadn't rushed through my MFA, I wouldn't have had the credentials to be hired at my dream job when I did. If we hadn't gone and seen that scam of a house on a hill, we wouldn't have ended up here in our perfect corner of the world.
The only clear and present sour stain in life that has been borne from my penchant for rushing is called consumer debt, and, well, it sucks.
In addition, I rushed some home projects last fall. Andy feels great pleasure at me finally having not gotten my ill-conceived way, I think, as it's been a lesson I've needed for a long time (while I can see the positives in many negatives, like I listed above, it's time to slow down and tread water for a while, I think). Because of this, we have some paint chipping off the house and porches, as a visual reminder to me that this is what happens when you paint or force others to powerwash and paint in November. It just. doesn't. stick.
So now the trick is getting things in life to stick. I have achieved so much of what I want in life by utilizing the run-and-dive method, and now the time has come to maintain. Since I've been moving forward breathlessly for 28.5 years, I'm not quite sure how to maintain. It's something I need to work on. Steadily, and slowly.
Hibernation
Thanksgiving was wonderful. Aside from needing some reinforcements for the gravy and turkey-carving, I pulled it off. It seems so long ago (which I suppose it was)...
Winter around here means heavy duty hibernation. Between me being off work and the cold thwarting our otherwise-overwhelming outdoor work schedule, the couch sees a lot of action. Last winter we simply re-watched Arrested Development, and I had a day or two that I had rental movie marathons.
I did some reading and writing this break, but we dedicated ourselves to loftier goals--watching every season of Dexter and Breaking Bad. We were victorious.
Dexter isn't the best show I've ever seen, but it is the most addictive. We would watch hours on end, and still not be satisfied. We went through withdrawals. Seriously.
Breaking Bad, on the other hand, is just excellent storytelling and artfully done. It's no surprise after watching it that Bryan Cranston has won numerous Emmy awards. I miss the suspense of Dexter, but I miss all of the characters in Breaking Bad.
We've started Mad Men now. At first, I kept waiting for meth deals and horrific murder scenes, but I'm really getting swept into the intricate story lines and the obviously feminist writing and storytelling. Good stuff.
(The last few paragraphs were brought to you by "Welcome to 2007, Leigh. Way to catch up with the rest of us.")
I also read Giants in the Earth for book club and loved it, and did some much-needed writing (including a scathing commentary on reviewers'/audiences' misguided reactions to Black Swan that will never get published because I was too late because St. Louis never gets movies soon enough and and and I'm really whiny about all of this).
And now I'm back in school. I love my schedule this semester so much I want to make out with it (not so much overload and well-placed office hours), and I'm trying to reclaim myself in general. In clearing out our office (see, we're trying to do something productive this winter), I found some old pictures. Between our wedding day and our one-year anniversary (2006 and 2007, respectively), I look like a totally different person. I have lots to say about this mess of things, but I know this: I've not had myself and my needs as a priority in the last five years. That's not to say I'm not proud and excited about everything I've done (professionally, nonprofit work, homesteading stuff), but I need to find a better balance. I'm striving to do that right now.
I'll work on that between what's coming up in 2011: college journalism convention in Minneapolis in February, directing The Vagina Monologues in March, Habitat Music Fest in June, and our 10-year class reunion in September (not to mention a sizable home to-do list, garden, and goats--or just fantasizing about the goats in our future). And if things go as planned, the possibility of a livestock addition of the human variety.
Winter around here means heavy duty hibernation. Between me being off work and the cold thwarting our otherwise-overwhelming outdoor work schedule, the couch sees a lot of action. Last winter we simply re-watched Arrested Development, and I had a day or two that I had rental movie marathons.
I did some reading and writing this break, but we dedicated ourselves to loftier goals--watching every season of Dexter and Breaking Bad. We were victorious.
Dexter isn't the best show I've ever seen, but it is the most addictive. We would watch hours on end, and still not be satisfied. We went through withdrawals. Seriously.
Breaking Bad, on the other hand, is just excellent storytelling and artfully done. It's no surprise after watching it that Bryan Cranston has won numerous Emmy awards. I miss the suspense of Dexter, but I miss all of the characters in Breaking Bad.
We've started Mad Men now. At first, I kept waiting for meth deals and horrific murder scenes, but I'm really getting swept into the intricate story lines and the obviously feminist writing and storytelling. Good stuff.
(The last few paragraphs were brought to you by "Welcome to 2007, Leigh. Way to catch up with the rest of us.")
I also read Giants in the Earth for book club and loved it, and did some much-needed writing (including a scathing commentary on reviewers'/audiences' misguided reactions to Black Swan that will never get published because I was too late because St. Louis never gets movies soon enough and and and I'm really whiny about all of this).
And now I'm back in school. I love my schedule this semester so much I want to make out with it (not so much overload and well-placed office hours), and I'm trying to reclaim myself in general. In clearing out our office (see, we're trying to do something productive this winter), I found some old pictures. Between our wedding day and our one-year anniversary (2006 and 2007, respectively), I look like a totally different person. I have lots to say about this mess of things, but I know this: I've not had myself and my needs as a priority in the last five years. That's not to say I'm not proud and excited about everything I've done (professionally, nonprofit work, homesteading stuff), but I need to find a better balance. I'm striving to do that right now.
I'll work on that between what's coming up in 2011: college journalism convention in Minneapolis in February, directing The Vagina Monologues in March, Habitat Music Fest in June, and our 10-year class reunion in September (not to mention a sizable home to-do list, garden, and goats--or just fantasizing about the goats in our future). And if things go as planned, the possibility of a livestock addition of the human variety.
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